Watch this video with Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes to learn a bit more about depression and antidepressants.
Note: If you are feeling suicidal or your depression is severe, contact a health professional immediately or dial 911 to be taken to your nearest emergency room. Online videos are not a substitute for the assessment and advice of a licensed healthcare professional.
Major Depression and Antidepressants
November 7, 2011 by
Understanding Depression
November 7, 2011 by
Watch this video with Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes to learn a bit more about depression.
Note: If you are feeling suicidal or your depression is severe, contact a health professional immediately or dial 911 to be taken to your nearest emergency room. Online videos are not a substitute for the assessment and advice of a licensed healthcare professional.
Biological Needs: The Foundation of Mental and Physical Health
June 29, 2011 by
The quantity and quality of sleep people get each day significantly impacts their mood. Think about the last time you were exhausted (maybe the last time the time changed?) Did everything take a lot longer to get done? Did you lack motivation to do much of anything? Were you all but mainlining caffeine to stay awake? Was it difficult to make decisions or remember anything? Okay, point made. Despite the fact that it forms the foundation of our mental and physical health, all too often, the first things people forego are sleep, exercise and nutrition. When people are awake, their energy is diverted across a wide spectrum of activities. When they sleep it is a time for their bodies to focus all of the energy on rejuvenation and repair. Not only repair of things that are broken, but also restocking the supply of neurotransmitters that produce feelings of relaxation and happiness.
When people sleep it is also the time for the body to focus on building immunity. When I was in college I used to stay up cramming for exams the entire week of finals. As soon as finals were done, it seemed inevitable that I would be sick. Coincidence? I think not. I don’t know about other people, but when I am sick, I am not so pleasant to be around, I lack motivation and feel like I am in a fog. Sound familiar? Yup, being sick and sleep deprived have a lot of things in common.
What about nutrition. Did you know that the symptoms of dehydration and depression are very similar—fatigue, confusion, constipation, loss of appetite… Similar things happen when blood sugar levels drop. My husband is hypoglycemic, and I can tell when he has not been eating right. He gets irritable, sluggish, has difficulty hearing and processing what I say and tends to seek caffeine and processed sugar to keep him going.
So what is the point? Simple changes in people’s lifestyles can have a huge impact on their mood, motivation and ability to be on their game. When they are rested and nourished, they will have more energy to be motivated, sociable and focus on the positive, and will need less energy to concentrate, make decisions and get things done. All that combined can be a great stress relief.
TIPS for GOOD SLEEPING
- Don’t eat right before bed. Drink a small glass of milk or water if necessary
- Keep a note pad, pencil and small lamp next to the bed. When something pops into your mind, write it down
- Keep the bedroom a comfortable temperature
- Try to make it as dark as possible
- Make a wind-down routine each day to cue your body to start releasing melatonin. We do it for children, why not for ourselves.
- Minimize annoyances. One of our dogs licks the sheets incessantly. She cannot sleep on the bed anymore.
- Reduce (or eliminate) caffeine 12 hours before you want to sleep. Yup. It stays in your system that long.
- Try stretching, meditation or partner massage to relax your muscles and work out the tension knots from the day.
- Drink plenty of water, but not right before bed.
- Cammomile and lavender essential oils can help calm you.
- Try creative visualization. When I am trying to get to sleep, I plan my garden or some other interior or exterior decorating project. It diverts my mind from stressful thoughts, and before I know it, I am asleep.
TIPS for GOOD EATING
- Keep a water bottle with you
- Eat small meals every 3-5 hours
- Drink 4-8 oz of water before each meal. It will help you get your water intake as well as fill you up a bit
- Eat colorfully–at least 3 colors on every plate.
- Fiber, protein and fats help slow down sugar absorption. Try to combine foods to prevent a spike (and crash) in blood sugar.
- Use a salad plate instead of a dinner plate
- Put back half. Only serve yourself 1/2 of what you would normally. Often you will find that is just as satisfying, and it saves a bunch a of calories.
Easing the Back-to-School Transition for Northern Virginia Students
June 15, 2011 by
August is Back to School which means back into a routine, back to struggles with homework and back to being sick every month. Make no mistake, August and September are very challenging months for many families, but there are some ways to make the transition go a bit more smoothly. Remember last month we talked about the basic needs: Food/Sleep/Shelter/Medicine, followed by safety and relationships. The same principles apply here.
First let’s talk about the basics—primarily sleep. Over the summer kids often get out of the school routine, stay up later and play more computer games. When they go back to school not only are they in X-Box withdrawal, but they are also tired. Not convinced? Think about how just the one hour time change affects most people. Couple all of that with the stresses inherent in being a pre-teen or teenager, and it is totally overwhelming. People’s natural response to being overwhelmed is to either get control of it or escape it. Children often try to get control by rebelling. I remember, as a child, thinking that school wouldn’t come as quickly if I just stayed awake. When I slept, time seemed to fly by, so I would do whatever I could to stay up later. On the other hand, some children have just gotten used to a later schedule, so it is hard for them to get to sleep at 8:30 or 9. Believe it or not, our bodies get into a rhythm, and certain environmental cues can help us get sleepy. Think about how we help toddlers develop good sleeping habits. There is a routine—Eat dinner. Take a bath. Read a story. Go to sleep. Once they begin the sequence, the brain says “Oh, I know what comes next.” Some children are more sensitive to changes in routine in others, however, if you start implementing the back to school routine at the end of July, August will go much more smoothly.
Then come the homework struggles. Homework can be very difficult for kids after a long, tiring, stressful day at school. For many children, it takes all they’ve got to behave all day, and they need a little while to wind down, decompress, or just be loud and get out energy. Trying to get them to come home, eat a snack and do their homework is usually a losing battle. Make sure they have a time limit though. For example, they can have free time until 4pm, but from 4 until dinner they must sit at the desk and do their homework. Some children also find it difficult to get back into the routine of being independent, and will lapse into “but it’s too hard,” or “I have too much homework. I’ll never get it done.” This is when we, as parents, have to be coaches. It is far easier just to give them the answer, or do it for them, and, after a long day at work ourselves, that is very tempting. However, when that behavior is rewarded, it is very difficult to stop it. Create the safety for them. Encourage them to try to learn the material. Help them see that they are not stupid, and it is not hopeless.
Third, the sicknesses from the mutant bugga-buggas that all the other kids were exposed to over the summer/break/holiday. Your kids are going to go to school, hug their friends, play on the playground and share not only their memories, but also their germs. Our bodies are pretty adept at dealing with the stuff we encounter on a daily basis, but have you ever noticed how kids always seem to get sick right after a break. And by sick, I mean really ill not just fake throwing up. Well, there are a few things we can do to improve our odds. First, wash your hands often. Secondly, make sure everyone is getting plenty of rest, drinking plenty of water and eating plenty of fruits and vegetables. Vitamins A, C and E can help people boost their immune system. Third, and the one that people forget about is have fun. When we are stressed our bodies release all sorts of chemicals to prepare us to fight or flee. Why should we care about that? Look at the presidents before they take office and after they have served 2 terms. Most look as if they have aged 20 years, not eight. Stress takes a huge toll on the body. If you are having fun, you will be less stressed.
That leads me to my final point, all work and no play. . . If families go from all play during the summer to all work during the school year, it is not surprising that children resist going back to school. Set up one day a month that you can do something fun as a family. Movie night with the grandparents? Bowling? Camping? Cook out? Whatever works for your family. Try having each person write down what they like to do on a piece of paper and put it in a jar. Then, before family night, draw from the jar to see what you will do. Finally, find one night per month that you can do something just with your partner. Too often couples start having problems because they are too caught up in the day-to-day stresses of the family, housework and the like. Have at least one night a month that you can go out and actually talk in complete sentences without interruption.
This is not an exhaustive list of things to do, but it gets you started and might spark some of your own ideas. I would love to hear any suggestions you might have that makes back-to-school not-so-cruel.
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What Goes on Behind Closed Doors
June 12, 2011 by
Counseling can be very intimidating for people, so in the next few paragraphs we will take a look at what happens in the therapy room.
Okay, so first, there may be a couch, but that is usually to provide seating for multiple people (i.e. your spouse or family) if they come for a group session. Most therapists these days do not expect you to lie down, nor talk about your mother. Counseling in the 21st century usually involves one of two broad approaches. The Rogerian approach is what most people think of when they envision counseling. The thought is that if people are provided with a safe, nonjudgmental environment in which to explore their feelings, they will be able to identify and resolve their own issues. This process takes more or less time depending on how long it takes to create that safety and how directive your therapist is.
The second approach is cognitive behavioral or CBT. CBT is focused on 1) What is going well and not so well in the present, 2) What does the resolution to the problem look like, and 3) What steps need to be taken to get there. While people’s past is important, because it has shaped who they are and how they view the world, the focus is on identifying (and maybe changing) how the past is impacting the person in the present. CBT deals in facts, evidence and rational thought. Many of the things we tell ourselves we must, should or can never do are good life lessons that have morphed into something irrational. To top it off, most people are depleting the energy needed for dealing with stress by not sleeping well, eating poorly and not exercising. In most cases, the first steps are the most basic. People need to start taking care of themselves and making one or two small changes in their attitude.
For example, Tom comes to counseling because he is totally stressed out and feels like he cannot do anything right. Tom’s therapist might ask him what it is he hopes would be different if he were doing *everything* right. She might point out that he seems to be holding himself to an unreasonably high standard, and would he hold his son to that same standard? What would happen if his son failed to meet that standard? Would it impact their relationship? She might also ask him to identify one or two things that he feels he must be good at, and focus on doing those things right. (Once that happens he loses the argument that he cannot do *anything* right). She will probably also ask him to start trying to get at least 7 hours of sleep each night and walking his dog for 20 minutes each night after dinner.
Okay, so you get the idea, Rogerian tends to be more conversational and free flowing, CBT is much more directive, active and problem focused. So why use one over the other? Different people process things in different ways. I am a therapist’s worst nightmare, because I need both. When I am struggling with something, I want my feelings acknowledged, then I can go about the business of problem solving. My husband, on the other hand, just wants to get down to business. He figures the sooner the problem is solved, the sooner he will feel better. Meanwhile, my best friend is one of those people who needs to talk about her feelings and use a therapist (or me) as a sounding board.
But is that all there is? No, after all the talking comes the case notes. You know, the secret stuff doctors write in people’s medical record that they do not think they are supposed to see. Let me be the first to tell you that you have every right to see those. I usually spend the last 10 minutes of the session writing them together with my patient. Why? Because it serves as a good summation of what we talked about, and then there is no mystery. My job is to help people learn why they may be feeling or reacting in a certain way, provide them the tools to better understand themselves and help them fix negative reactions/behaviors. It is not magic. Just like a mechanic can hear an engine hum and tell you volumes, so can a therapist hear what you are saying. I could learn to be a mechanic, but I don’t really want to. You could learn to be a therapist, but let’s start with listening to yourself first.
Common Sense Wellness: Steps to Health and Happieness
June 8, 2011 by
Do you want to be happier, have more energy and less stress? Awesome! Each month, this column will present common sense information about how to get (and stay) happy and healthy. I do not believe that any one piece of information or intervention will work for every single person. We are all different. What I do believe is that any positive change you make in any area of your life will create positive changes in other areas of your life.
So what are these areas? Well, I wish I could take credit for it, but, many years ago, a psychologist named Abraham Maslow said that humans have a hierarchy of needs. At the foundation is our biological needs. This makes sense right? If you are exhausted, sick, hungry and homeless, you probably do not care very much about getting in shape or improving your self esteem. Ironically, many of the people with whom I have worked over the past 15 years can trace many of the “roots” of their problems back to this first area. Think about when you have the flu and an earache. What happens to your patience? Concentration? Overall mood? Impatient, indecisive and irritable right? Let’s be honest, most people do not want to be around you when you are like that. When you are sick, they can justify and overlook your disposition; however, if you are like this most of the time then it probably is starting to impact your relationships. One of the first things I suggest people take a look at, is their overall health. How well are they sleeping ? Are they eating a relatively nutritious diet? How much exercise they are getting, and are they in pain a lot. When they make even small changes in one or more of these areas, many people start having more energy, improving their concentration and generally being more pleasant to be around.
The second level of the hierarchy is safety. When people think of safety, they often think of making sure they do not get robbed, but there is much more to it than that. We need to not only have a sense of physical safety, but also psychological safety. That is, we need to live in a world in which most people (including ourselves) abide by the principle, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” In many cases, we are our own worst critics. People bombard themselves with negative self talk and, essentially, make themselves feel stupid, inadequate or less-than. This often results in feelings of depression, anxiety and desperately seeking others (friends, relatives etc) to tell them they are okay. It is easy to make your external environment a safe place to be. It is much harder to make it safe inside your own head, but until you do, those negative messages are going to hold you back from feeling truly happy and achieving your goals.
So what can people do? Most people’s negative thoughts are so automatic, they do not even realize they had them. I encourage people to focus less on trying to figure out what they thought, and more on trying to see the positive in every situation. What did you learn? What could have been worse? What positive could come out of this? It is also helpful to start the day with a journal, meditation or list that provides an outline for all of the positive things they are going to accomplish. Get pumped! At the end of the day repeat the process and identify one or two things from the day that they are grateful for. Example:
(Morning) Today I am going to go to work, finish the monthly reports and then go workout with Tom.
(Evening) Work was okay. I am grateful to just have a job. I was kind of tired during my workout, but it was a great stress reliever and it was good to see Tom. (Isn’t that better than: “I hate doing monthly reports, my job sucks and all that stress made me have a terrible workout.”)
Once you are eating well, sleeping well and not so negative, irritable and distracted, then you can start addressing the next tier in the hierarchy: Relationships. Believe it or not, these don’t happen over night or run on auto-pilot. People have to work to keep a relationship going. People need to know what makes their spouse/children/friends tick. What are they interested in? What is rewarding to them. Too often people choose gifts and rewards that they would like themselves. For example, my husband is a reserved guy. For his birthday, he is happy going out to dinner and spending time with the family. I am a bit more outgoing. I like big gatherings with lots of my friends. What do you think I did for his birthday the first year we were together? Yup! I threw him a huge party—and a surprise one at that. Not one of my better choices. People should keep a running list on their iphone of what their friends like, so when it is holiday or birthday time, they will have something to reference.
But rewards are not the only part of a relationship. Sorry! The other big one is communication. Tired, sick, depressed people are typically awful listeners. They want their basic needs to be met, and conversation is simply extra noise. Once people are out of the sleep-deprived, sluggish, stress-induced fog, they have more energy to do things like listening and saying what they need. Unless I missed it in an RSS feed somewhere, humans still cannot read minds. Figure out what your needs are, so your friends do not compare the relationship to herding cats. Then—hold on to your hats—you must tell other people what your needs are. Be clear, concise and specific. Telling my 11 year old to clean his room is probably not going to get the job done. Put everything back where it belongs on your shelves and make your bed. Now that gets results. When people are vague in their requests, then misunderstandings occur leading to tension in the relationship and a whole host of other stuff that we’ll discuss in future articles.
For now, eat, sleep, exercise, be nice, look at the bright side and say what you mean. You might be surprised at how things so simple can make such a huge difference.
Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes PhD, LPC, CRC, NCC is a psychotherapist and a nationally renowned speaker and counselor educator. She recently moved to Northern Virginia with her 2 children, husband, 3 dogs, 3 cats, and 2 birds. She uses a cognitive behavioral, reality-based approach to helping people find the happiness in their lives.
Substance Abuse and the Veteran
May 31, 2011 by
We don’t know how many veterans will seek substance abuse treatment. We do know that significant numbers of veterans may be avoiding treatment for fear of the stigma associated with postdeployment stress effects (Tanielian and Jaycox, 2008). For many veterans who seek services, fear of having “mental health problems” or “substance abuse” attached to their service records may contribute to their decision to stay outside of all structures even remotely connected with the military. Experts at all levels agree that shame, stigma, and fear of military repercussions are significant blocks to help-seeking and recovery (Tanielian and Jaycox, 2008).
So let’s stop mincing words…are these soldiers weak or crazy? No. Absolutely not! The connection between post-trauma effects and substance use disorders is well known. For example:
- Between one third and one half of people seeking treatment for SUDs may also have posttraumatic stress disorder
- Having untreated PTSD has been associated with a more severe course and worse outcomes for substance use recovery.
Drug dependence is frequent in war veterans with posttraumatic stress disorder (Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research, 2008) - One preliminary study shows that “this generation of veterans has been much closer to trauma, has completed or may complete multiple tours of duty, and experience a greater prevalence of mental health issues (40%) and of those upwards of 60% also have a SUD” (Danforth, 2007, p. 11).
So why do veterans develop substance abuse issues? Here are a few reasons…
- When people respond to intense or unrelenting stress or threat, it often creates chemical imbalances that people instinctively try to deal with. When “normal” coping skills fail to bring relief, people may seek sex, drugs, alcohol, food or gambling to numb or escape the pain. Eventually the brain gets used to these substances and start to need more of them to get the same feeling of relaxation. To compound this, the drugs or alcohol cause changes in the brain which may also lead to feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Did you know that initially alcohol is a system depressant, but as it wears off, it causes symptoms of anxiety (fast heart rate, shortness of breath, dizziness, irritability)?
- Many of the other aftereffects of war—from the neurological effects of trauma to the psychological and spiritual effects of exposure to death and destruction—can be very destructive. Scientists are now doing imaging studies to show that people with traumatic brain injury often have similar brain changes as those who have been exposed to extreme trauma.
- It is important to remember a couple of things about trauma. First, not everyone responds the same way to the same situations. When we triage people after a crisis to identify who is more likely to develop PTSD, we look at if they have a history of mental health problems, how many stressors they have experienced in the last 6 months, how similar the person is to the victim, how close the event was, or how much of a threat the event posed to the safety of the person’s home, and how much positive social support they received immediately after the trauma. Secondly, when the alcohol and drugs that have “medicated” or numbed the memories leave the system, those stored memories and other symptoms of trauma can emerge at higher levels of intensity.
- Injured veterans with pain-management needs are often prescribed opioid pain relievers (Vicodin, Lortab, Hydrocodone etc). Even in the absence of combat stress effects or prior histories of substance use problems, their injuries can leave them more vulnerable to dependence on those medicines.
- Young male veterans with traumatic injuries may be more vulnerable to a number of risk-taking behaviors, including the misuse of alcohol, and less likely to seek or accept help for trauma and mental health issues (Good et al., 2008). Part of this may be due to the mistaken notion that seeking help means they are weak, or believing counseling involves talking for hours on end about that “F” word…you got it….Feelings.
Substance abuse treatment providers have begun to focus on individualized treatment and recovery-based systems of care. It is imperative for these providers to receive specialized training in the specific needs and issues veterans face both in the field and at home. Additionally, clinicians should use a comprehensive approach to helping the veteran in the areas of sleep hygiene, relationship issues, garnering social support, dealing with traumas and sheer exhaustion from being overstressed for an extended period and addressing problematic substance use behaviors. Remember that the veteran may or may not be willing to address issues which he or she feels could come back to destroy their military career. Provided the patient does not exhibit suicidal or homicidal ideation, the therapist may choose to present holistic interventions such as exercise, nutrition, time management, scheduling and sleep as adjuncts to assisting the person deal with “exhaustion” or “stress.” For sustained recovery, people need to feel like they are not “the only one.” They need to feel a connection with people who can relate to them (notice I did not say understand). they need to have a safe zone where they can physically, mentally and emotionally relax. And, they need to feel like what they do or have done has a worth and a purpose.
At Gainesville-NOVA Counseling, we provide a variety of services ranging from anonymous individual sessions to confidential group treatment. While group therapy is excellent for treating substance abuse, some people do not want to be “exposed.” What is most harmful not only to veterans, but also to their military and biological family is failing to have the courage to seek help. While many vets come back in body, many leave their heart, soul and spirit on the battlefield.
Substance Abuse and Addictions Outpatient and Intensive Outpatient
May 30, 2011 by
For the past 15 years I have been working with persons with co-occurring mental health and substance abuse issues. One of the things that strikes me is that, even in this day of information overload, there are still several common misconceptions about substance abuse, addictions and recovery. Over the next few minutes, we will discuss each of these.
Misconception #1 Drug addiction, alcoholism, eating disorders, sex addiction, exercise addiction and being an adrenaline junkie are all separate and distinct issues.
Reality: They all can be addictions. Addictions are behaviors that people continue to engage in, despite negative consequences as a means of escaping from physical or emotional distress. This distress can be anything from utter boredom to major depression or chronic, unrelenting pain, and everything in between. To meet the criteria for an addiction, the behaviors have to have all three characteristics. It is also important to remember that people do the best they can with the tools they have at any given time. It is when their anxiety, depression, boredom gets to be so overwhelming that they turn to something outside of themselves for relief.
Misconception #2 People with addictions are “sick” or “lazy.”
Reality: The majority of people have occasions in which they use a substance or activity to escape from negative feelings. The difference is that they either stop before it starts to cause problems, or as soon as they realize it is causing problems. People with addictions “cannot” deal with life on life’s terms without the buffer of the substance. All of their coping and survival skills have, for some reason, been overwhelmed. They are not lazy or gluttonous, they are desperate and hurting. Secondly, many people who start using do not have a mental health issue when they start using. Drugs like alcohol, cocaine, opiates and amphetamines mess with the chemicals in the brain, often leading people to become depressed and/or anxious. Once they have some clean time under their belt, their brain chemicals return to normal and they start to feel better. Think about how you crash after eating a bunch of sugar, then you want either more sugar or a good strong latte to pick you back up again. So goes the cycle of drug use.
Misconception #3 The only treatment for addiction is attending and working a 12-step program.
Reality: The most effective treatment will help people identify what thoughts, situations or issues are are causing them distress, and develop alternate ways of coping with those things. Often this involves identifying what strengths and skills the person already has, and building on those. 12-step programs provide an excellent framework for doing this, but they do not appeal to everyone. Rational recovery and cognitive behavioral therapy provide alternatives to 12-step programs, however, many in the recovery community have failed to embrace the alternatives. In this day of individualized treatment and cultural sensitivity, I believe it is imperative to provide people choices in recovery. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps people objectively examine the thoughts and behaviors that may be contributing to their distress, and develop alternatives. It does not have to be about bearing your soul to a bunch of people you don’t know that well, or lying on a couch and talking about your mother. To the contrary, CBT looks at how the past may be impacting you now and changing your behaviors in the present. It is solution focused and generally provides rapid relief from symptoms. Like the 12-steps, or any behavior change such as good nutrition or getting in shape, it must be a life long commitment. Once you have the tools, you cannot let them collect dust in the shed. You have to use them every day, continuing to reflect on your thoughts and actions, identifying and accepting the things you cannot change and changing the things you can.
In my practice I encourage people to identify what is going to work best for them. The 12-steps encourage people to live a life full of honesty with themselves and others, hope, faith, courage, discipline, integrity, discipline and brotherly love. These principles are relatively universal regardless of whether you are an Agnostic or a Zionist. The difference is how you embrace them. Whereas everyone needs a sober social support, what, in 12-step programs, is called a sponsor does not work for everyone. Some people prefer to have their spouse, best friend or therapist be their sober support. I find that, during their first year of sobriety, while they are developing their sober coping skills and supports, many people who reject a traditional sponsor, are more successful maintaining their gains if they see their therapist at least once per week. For people with extremely high stress situations or who have been using heavily, it is also helpful for them to be able to contact their support at least once per day for 15-20 minutes to get focused. Regardless of the method you choose, it is imperative to remember that addictions can be treated, and many people who are in recovery go on to maintain very successful career and family lives.
Gainesville Counselors
December 6, 2010 by
Gainesville is one of those unique locations that houses a major university churning out counselors at the speed of light. Many (myself included) end us staying here for one reason or another. Why do you care? Simple. It means that there are more counselors than you can shake a stick at, and they all have slightly different styles. It also means that, in many cases, if you are willing to go “out of network” you can get an appointment rather quickly. (Most insurance provider panels have been closed in Alachua County for years.) Most counselors in Gainesville have sliding scale fees, or simply accept 50% of their customary fee if you are paying out of pocket. Why? Well, I can tell you that after many years of wrangling with insurance companies, I can easily spend a full hour trying to get preauthorizations and conform to each unique rule of each insurance company. I did not get into this business to get rich. I want to help people.
A couple counselors in Gainesville, such as myself and Meridian Behavioral Healthcare, also offer group counseling. This is a much more cost-effective way to get many of the same services. Groups usually cost about half of what individual services cost. Just like for individual counseling, you need to ask how the groups are run. For example, my groups are more “psychoeducational.” I open group by hearing how everyone is doing, any particular successes and struggles over the past week, and then move on to teaching a skill or technique that can help group participants better achieve their goals and deal with their stresses. The last half of group in spent applying this technique to each person’s unique situation. This is a very productive, cognitive-behavioral, nonthreatening approach to counseling.
Is Irrational Thinking Making You Miserable?
November 22, 2010 by
All too often we cause our misery by making mountains out of molehill.
1.Mistakes are never acceptable. If I make one, it means that I am incompetent. This is overly generalized. Would you expect your best friend or your child to never make mistakes? When they do, do you think they are incompetent? People make mistakes. Next time you make a mistake. Remind yourself that you are only human. A mistake does not mean anything negative about you, it means…you goofed. Try to find somthing to learn from it, like how you can avoid making that mistake again. Remind yourself how many other things you are competent at.
2.When somebody disagrees with me, it is a personal attack against me. Okay, sometimes this is true, especially on the internet. Nevertheless, WHY are they attacking you? Most often people lash out at others because they feel insecure. The other possibility is that you are at least partly wrong (See above). Be open to other people’s point of view. You do not necessarily have to agree. When you disagree with someone, are you personally attacking them? My guess is no. So why do you think they are attacking you?
3.To be content in life, I must be liked by all people.
Not everyone is going to like you. Get over it. If you like yourself, then it really does not matter if other people like and validate you. Many people will not like you because they are insecure or they have “stuff.” Are you really going to let their “stuff” bring you down. Take a personal inventory. Are you a good and nice person? Do people have a legitimate reason not to like you? If so, then do something about it. If you require other people to tell you you are okay, then you need to work on liking you. Take a personal inventory of all of your strengths and good qualities. Keep a journal of good things you do each day. When you start feeling bad, review your journal. Be as creative as you would like.
4.My true value as an individual depends on what others think of me. (See 3 above)
5.If I am not involved in an intimate relationship, I am completely alone.
There is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. Even when you are not in an intimate realtionship, you are not alone. Make a list of your friends and family who love you. People who cannot stand to be out of an intimate relationship do not like to spend time with themselves. They do not like themselves. Make a list of all of the qualities you look for in an intimate relationship. See how many of those needs you can provide for yourself or get met with your friends and family.
6.There is no grey area. Success is black and failure is white.
See 1 above. We all make mistakes and rarely do we succeed perfectly at something. I remember having recitals and giving speeches in which I goofed up. My teachers always told me that if I kept going, nobody would probably notice. They were right. The speech or recital or whatever was still a success, even if I was not perfect. Part of success too is knowing your limitations. Successful people know when they need to ask for help, or simply say “I don’t know.”
7.Nothing ever turns out the way you want it to.
Well, that is a defeatest attitude. List 5 things that have turned out the way you wanted. List 5 more that have not turned out how you expected, but it turned out okay. We do not always get our way, but if we focus on what we do not have or did not get, we will always be miserable. What do you have? What positive came out of it.
8.If the outcome was not perfect, it was a complete failure. (See 1 and 6 above.)
9.I am in absolute control of my life. If something bad happens, it is my fault.
You cannot control the weather. You cannot control other people. All you can control is how you react and what you do. Bad things happen to good people. The question is, do you let it destroy you, or do you figure out how to deal with it and move on. Take responsibility only for the things that you do have control over.
10.The past always repeats itself. If it was true then, it must be true now.
The definition of insanity is doing what you have always done and expecting different results. You have the ability to change how you deal with things now. Similar situations will arise. Use your past knowledge to help you deal with them better.
